Ever Have Those Times

when you wonder what the heck possessed you to do whatever you had to do to be where you are today?

I'm there.

Most of the time I'm very very happy with my choices and where they've led me.

Some of the time...which feels kind of like all of the time recently, I wonder what I was thinking becoming a teacher.

I know it's February. I know it's the time that most teachers feel the most brow-beaten and are so ready for the end of the school year. It's a hard time of year. For some reason, I'm more annoyed and brow-beaten this year, it seems...or at least that is how it feels.

I resent being told that if I have student with D or E (E=59% or below) that it's COMPLETELY my fault and I must be doing something wrong. I really hate that my grades are being tracked and percentages are being run on "how well" my students are doing. Hate it. I hate how I've had a student in for lunch every single day this week so they could catch up on the work they decided not to complete for the due date. Hate it. I hate that it's all on my shoulders; as if I control every aspect of my students' lives so I can "fix" the bad grades by just doing more.

Some of my students could honestly care less about my class or school in general. I know it's my job to teach them, motivate them, praise them, reteach things. I get it. I really do. I just feel like I'm buried under a pile of "have tos" for some kids who really don't WANT me to do those things. I still do it, because, well, that's what teachers do. And I truly do want my students to be as successful as they can be; it's just that this is feeling a lot like a camel and a straw...

Add to that the subtle and not-so-subtle jabs I get about how "unwonderful" a teacher I am by some of my more "interesting" students and well, it just adds up to a great ball of "I feel like the crappiest teacher on earth" syndrome for me.

I know come April, things will be easier. Spring will be here; summer break is only a few weeks off. There finish line is in sight and the promises of lazy summer days pushes you through the not so fun times. It's just that right now, I sometimes question my career choice. :S