I Feel Like I've Been Stuck on Monday All Week

That's how I feel today. Monday, the unthinkable happened on the Virginia Tech campus. A lone gunman killed 32 of his fellow students and faculty and then killed himself. The aftermath of hurt, pain, grief, sadness, anger and questions is his legacy now. My heart just aches for all those who lived through the ordeal. What they have seen, experience will change their lives forever. They can never be carefree, idealistic young men and women. They will always carry the scar of this senseless tragedy with them. I cry for the mothers who lost their babies. No matter their age, children are always our babies. I weep quietly for them, knowing my sorrow is but a tiny drop of their sorrow. I pray the the families that have lost loved ones can grieve and mourn those they lost and move on. I fear I wouldn't be able to. My heart breaks for the killer's family. They are suffering the loss of their child as well as feeling the burden of blame for their son's actions in the deaths of 32 other people. The weight of that guilt would haunt me forever. I do not know if I would be able to move on knowing what had happened was because of my child's actions. I pray they find comfort, help, caring and peace one day.

This awful tragedy has just been so played out in the media and it's at times like this, that I hate the media. They have strung us along all week. They have fed us a constant diet of the V-Tech shootings. They've used the word "massacre". They've shown pictures and video that should never have been seen. They've released the killer's "manifesto". They've made Cho into a sick hero. The photos of him with his gun pointed at the camera are so eerie, so frightening. They make me feel physically ill. I can not get the images out of my head. I hurt when I see them. How are the families, then, feeling with all this coming out? The focus has shifted from the victims to the victimizer. I hate it. I hate the media right now. I wish they would stop. There really are some things we don't need to know or at least we don't need 24/7 coverage of for the past 5 days. I know I can turn it off, but it's now just permeated ever facet of our lives, it's hard to tune out.

This senseless tragedy transports me emotionally to 1989 on the campus of the University of Western Ontario on December 6. This was the day the Marc Lépine, entered the Ecole Polytechnique de Montréal, into a classroom in the engineering building, separated the men and the women of the class, and shot the women dead. He then went through the building killing another 2 women and and four men before he turned the gun on himself. Fourteen women died; twelve of whom were students. As soon as I heard of the shooting on campus at Virgina Tech, I was instantly transported to UWO and the rush of fear, anxiety, stress and grief hit me in wave after wave as I tried to process the information. Nothing prepares you for those feelings to return. I remember just the numb feeling I had when I was at school that year. Completely numb. I am numb again.

My heart aches for all who have lost their children, brother, sister, cousin, aunt, uncle, mother, father, husband, wife, friend, future friend, spouse, lover. I pray that their deaths will not be in vain and that a massacre of innocent life will never again occur. Today, I'm a Hoakie at heart and I mourn with all Hoakies.