Ever have those dreams

where something awful happens in them and you can't shake the feeling all day. Ya, well, that's how I'm feeling today. I had a dream that I was diagnosed with cancer. There was nothing the doctors could do for me and I had very little time left to live. I was scared and I remember waking up with my heart racing. It took me a few seconds to actually realize I was awake and that I did not, thankfully, have cancer.

This, however, had not made me feel better today. I feel like I'm walking around with a dark cloud over my head. Ugh! I hate feeling like this. It's not fun and I feel stupid! I mean seriously, NOTHING is wrong with me, yet I continue to fret all day. I think it's because I felt so vulnerable in my dream and I hate, hate, hate, being vulnerable. It makes me realize my time on earth is limited. I will not always be here with my family, my children, my friends. I will, one day, die. It kills me to know I will leave those I love and I worry about how they will be if I'm gone; especially my kids.

I know that I have survived (barely) my mom's passing. I know that I'm alive, making fairly good decisions about my life; but that doesn't stop me from worrying about my own children and how they will fare when I pass. Ugh! Such a depressing topic. I guess that's why the little cloud is still hanging over my head. Sorry to be a downer today. :(