When You Doubt God

What do you do when you start to doubt God's logic? I feel so awful even typing that phrase. But right now, I'm doubting a lot. I just got an email from a former collegue in Canada. I'd sent her a Christmas card, as I do every year, and included my new email as it had recently changed. She emailed me thanking me for the card, giving me the usual "Wow your kids are so big now and how cute!" comments (which I think all mothers love to hear no matter what we may tell you!). Then she tells me this:

I've been meaning to contact you. I was wondering if you heard the sadnews that Lynn A. passed away this Fall. She died on Nov 12th, aftera long battle with cervical cancer. It was so sad... I'm not sure if youknew that she was sick. Poor Lynn! She fought a valiant fight. Aftertreatment and major surgery, it looked like she would beat the cancer a couple of times. Last Spring, the cancer returned and she was told it was terminal. She was able to spend some special time with her family and friends this summer. She thought she might have a year, but she became quite ill in September and things progressed quickly. John was so supportive. Their son Ryan is in Brianne's grade one class at school. He's so adorable. A little gift for John.

Why Lynn? What was God thinking? Why her? She wasn't perfect by any means, but I can think of far more 'deserving' people to be separated from their children. I know a 'lovely' person who has completely messed up as a mother. A total failure. She has damaged all of her five children because she does.not.care.about.them. period. She only cares about herself. To the extent that she will mooch off her children and yell horrible obscenities at them. She uses her money to buy drugs and can't feed them. She doesn't send them to school because she's too lazy (and probably too hung-over) to get them to school. She has stolen from others, defrauded the government. You name it, she's pretty much done it. And yet, she's as healthy as a horse. Why does God choose to leave Lynn's son motherless but not take this other woman? I know we all pass when it's our time, but HOW COULD THIS HAVE BEEN LYNN'S TIME? SHE WASN'T EVEN FOURTY YEARS OLD.

I wish I had a direct line to God where I could HEAR his answer. I can't hear him and my heart is angry right now.