My Word

Just about a week ago, my bloggin' friend, Miss Crafty Pumpkin, challenged us to find a word for ourselves to focus on throughout the year: word At first, I thought she was a touch off her rocker (you know, being pregnant with twins and having two little guys already here...well, you understand! ;) ) . A word? A word to focus on during the year. Yah..ok...suuuuurrre!

Well, of course, the idea was a seed in my brain. Over the course of about a week, the idea took root and started to sprout a little. I tried to ignore the idea. Really I did. I gave it unseasonable and downright harsh weather conditions in which to bloom. But, bloom it did. So, I think, begrudgingly, I have found a word. Or, should I say the the word found me?

I've hit a point in my parenting where my patience runs very, very thin a little more often than I'd like. I'm not proud of how I've parented during these times because I stand in horror as I listen to myself and watch my face. I want to cry when I see my daughter's face when she's reprimanded. It's not the reprimand that makes her nervous, it's my face. I hate how the boys just treat my reactions as a matter of course. It's not unusal for them to be completely unphased when I lose patience.

But, it phases me. It makes me feel awful. I can't be parenting well if it makes me feel awful. I should feel pride in handling the issue well. I shouldn't feel ashamed about how my children are reacting. No, I'm not talking about them being upset because they didn't get their way. Moreso, the fact that they are scared when they look at me because they know I'll be losing it and yelling. And being upset and just looking like a 35 year old toddler having a temper tantrum. It's not pretty.

So, my word. The word that I will try to focus on this year is "breathe". According to the dictionary I consulted, breathe has the following definitions:

• to take air, oxygen, etc., into the lungs and expel it; inhale and exhale;
  respire.

• (in speech) to control the outgoing breath in producing voice
  and speech sounds.
  to pause, as for breath; take rest
• to move gently or blow lightly, as air.
  to live; exist.

• to inhale and
  exhale in respiration.

• to exhale
  to give utterance to; whisper.

• to express; manifest.
  to allow to rest or recover breath.

I need to learn to breathe. To pause and expel air before I start speaking. I need to take in air and take a pause. Maybe I'll learn to reflect an instant before word come out of my mouth and I make faces and react in a way I'm not proud of.

Thank you, Christina, for posing this challenge to your readers. I think it will do me and my family a world of good.