Three Years Ago Today

I heard the three words that ripped my heart out of my chest. I heard my sister, on the telephone say "Franca, Mom died." Three simple words that changed my life forever.

I knew my mother had passed away even before I got the call from my sister in Canada. It will sound so completely ridiculous, but I firmly believe my mom came to tell me she had left this world and had gone to a better place.

I was driving home and I was listening to my regular radio station. I was annoyed with the song they were playing so I skipped around on the dial and finally settled on a station that had started playing Christmas music after Thanksgiving. The next song I heard was "Christmas Shoes". Yes, I realize it's an overly sentimentalized song wrought with an over the top story, but it was my message. My mom had gone to see Jesus, finally, and was letting me know through this very sentimental song. I bawled through the entire song. I just knew. I knew my mom had passed away. My sister's call was just confirmation of what I really knew in my heart.

My mom and I had a relationship that was at times very, very close and loving to one of aggrivation. I think we were just too much alike sometimes. I think I was just full of myself at other times. I never, never hated her. I just...well, I was a child who doesn't think anything bad can happen to her mamma. I never thought I wouldn't have the chance to tell her how sorry I was for all the crap I put her through. While I know she didn't hold it against me, it still makes my heart hurt to know that I had hurt her. I never thought I would lose her so young. She died at the age of 60. She would have been 63 this past August 27.

My mom loved all her children so much. She was such a hard worker. Rarely did she do much for herself. Her main goal was to provide me and my siblings a good life. My mother and father did a very good job at that. We lacked for nothing and even had a few luxuries. I'm so very grateful to her for that. I was raised with morals and standards. I learned a lot of what I do now from her. I learned to be frugal, to compare unit prices in the grocery store, to use all my resources to plan meals and make them stretch further. I learned how to budget and save money. I learned hard work, physical work, was character building and not something to be looked down on. I learned to care about others and give back to my community. I learned to be kind and listen to others. My siblings and I are her legacy.

My mother left behind a husband who is now lost without her. She left behind her baby girl who is still, three years later, desperately trying to deal with her death. She left behind a son who mourns her daily. She left me behind. She left me behind with my children. My children will never know their Nonna. I'm left to tell stories about her. I am left with probably one of the hardest tasks...to honour her life and teach my children about her undying love for them.

My mother hung on until her last wishes could be fulfilled. She fought until she was able to see me and her granddaughter one more time. I believe she knew it wouldn't be long before Death came to seek her and she wanted to see her granddaughter; the little girl who honoured her by being given her name, one last time. When we walked into her hospital room in late November 2003, Maddy was barely 18 months old. My mother simply beamed with pride when she told her nurse that this was her granddaughter. Maddy made my mother smile more widely than I'd ever seen before. Her eyes just lit right up when she saw her granddaughter.

My mother passed away, never to meet her twin grandsons. She would have been so proud. I see much of her personality in both the boys, and William was almost a spitting image of my mother when he was born. He even has her signature cowlick at the front of his forehead like his Nonna. She would have loved them so much.

I love you mamma. I miss you so very much.