Quiet Reflections

I was driving back home after a doctor's visit today (including blood tests and waiting at the pharmacy for over 1.5 hours to fill my script, pick up a refill for Maddy and get Robin's meds- aye yi yi!) and I was listening to the radio. There was a commercial playing for some lending company and then one that followed about some homes/new development that are for sale now.

I got to thinking about how difficult it is now for many to buy homes. I remember thinking how lucky Robin and I were to buy when we did. Then I remembered how not-well-off financially we were at that time. How we had almost no savings, and worked our tushies off to get to where we are today.

I realized that over six years ago when I started bugging Robin for a home; a house that belonged to us, it never ever occured to me that we might fail. It just wasn't an option. I also realized how goal-oriented I was. Again, once I'd set something in my sights, failure just wasn't an option.

Failure seems to have become an option now, though. More and more I tend to not worry about the things I used to worry about. I don't go after all the things I might want to go after. Some of this is a good thing. I tend to worry about a lot of insignificant things that just lead me to become much more stressed and anxious. A lot of it has to do with not wanting to try.

I have all the excuses ready: "It's going to cost too much", "It'll take forever", "I don't have time", "I'm pooped". The list goes on and on. Failure is an option in my life now. That's sad.

I'm not thrilled with this discovery, but it is a good thing that I discovered it. I don't want failure to be an option anymore. I need to figure out how to commit to doing something I know is important for me and my family. There are a lot of things I've failed to accomplish since having children. Failure can no longer be an option.