Why Am I So Upset?

Nicole told her dad today that she and her family are moving back to England by the end of June. I found out a couple of weeks ago, completely unexpectedly. I'd asked Nicole what she and Sam planned to do once their lease ran out in June and she confessed their plan to me. I, of course, told Robin, but didn't let on to Nicole that I had. She needed to actually tell him and if I'd told her he already knew, she'd have chickened out. I think, as an adult, she needed to tell him face to face.

Today was the face to face. I'm sad. I'm upset. It seems it's upsetting me more than Robin, although I doubt it. I know he's unhappy about it, but the way he looks at it, it's her life and she and her husband need to do what is right for them. Apparently, they're not making it here and they're expecting a baby in late August. They don't have the money for the repeat c-section...I guess her medical doesn't cover it in full? I never got a complete answer on that and I didn't push it.

Sam's missing his family. His parents are more available to watch the kids than we are and well, it's home for him. I totally get it. I miss my home, too. There are many times I wish I'd stayed in Canada, but for better or for worse, I'm here and this is my home now.

I just want to yell and scream about this. I know it's not true, but it feels like they're picking his family over us. Like they're better than us. I know, completely irrational and not true; but still. It stings a little.

Nicole's mom is in England as is her sister. It feels like she's picking them over us as well. Her mom is a very manipulative woman and has done so much to mess up her children. I'm not saying this as "the new wife" as I never knew her previous to Robin and I being married. I had nothing to do with their break up. I've just seen her in action and the consequences of those actions with her kids. She just hurts them and breaks their hearts over and over again. I fear for Nicole being led astray by her mother because Nicole's got such a good heart. She would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it...and her mother knows how to take advantage of that. She did it when she "temporarily" stayed with them. That temporary turned into more than a year's stay where she proceeded to run up long-distance phone bills, smoke weed and pretty much hand over the responsibility of raising her then 6 year old son (not Robin's son) to Nicole and Sam. Nice.

Jemma, Nicole's sister, and I just don't get along. There are a lot of hurt feelings and there is no remorse on Jemma's side for anything she did. I still hurt from the sting of her words before she left here over six years ago. She was at a tough age when Robin and I married and I don't think she ever really liked me. That's fine, but some of the things she did and said were awful and it still hurts that she acts like it was nothing. It bugs me that Nicole wants to be with her sister, but seriously, how can I be upset with it? They're sisters. It's natural that they would want to be close and I don't want to see them not have that relationship. I'm such a walking contradiction. :S

I think most of all, I'm upset because of all the stepkids, Nicole's the one who has made the most effort to treat me well. We haven't always seen eye-to-eye, but overall, Nicole's been the kindest to me. We've, I'd like to believe, become closer these past few years and I guess it bothers me that now she'll be gone again.